Monday, November 30, 2009

Fork in the Left Hand, Knife in the Right

It began just like any other day, because in China it is just like any other day.  Waking up a little after 6:00 AM, I rolled out of bed and quickly made my way out of my cold bedroom (usually between 54 and 59 degrees) and into the bathroom.

Our apartment doesn’t really have a shower, per se, but rather a shower fixture attached to the wall and a curtain that separates the toilet and shower side of the bathroom from the sink and washer side of the bathroom.  So I stood in the bathroom showering, watching the soapy water run across the floor of the bathroom to the hole behind the toilet when I remembered that today was Thanksgiving (even if it was still Wednesday afternoon/evening across the entirety of America).

With the realization that it was Thanksgiving came the idea that I should probably wear something special to school in order to celebrate.  Opting against a sweater or a collared shirt, I settled upon wearing one of my football jerseys to remind myself of the traditional football game I would be missing with my friends in Northbrook later that day.  Looking to the pictures on my wall I knew that the previous two years I had worn my G-Reg jersey (2007) and my Tom Zbikowski Kyle Rudolph/Ethan Johnson green Notre Dame jersey (2008), so it only made sense that I wear the only other football jersey in my closet: my 40’s Jersey. 

By 7:15 we were on the bus that picks up all of the teachers and drives them to our school.  As usually happens, Gavin and I were the last people to get on the bus (our apartment is near the last stop) and so we had to stand in the aisle of the bus for the ten minutes or so of swerving through traffic and near collisions until we got to school.

On Thursdays I don’t have to teach until 3rd Period, so I went to the Salesian House that is attached to the school and had a bit more to eat for breakfast (after the bowl of Cocoa Puffs I had at home) while I read Simmons’ latest mailbag.  Getting the mailbag on Thanksgiving was such a great way to start the day as they seem to happen so infrequently these days.  If somebody offered me weekly Simmons mailbags for the rest of my life in exchange for the final season of Lost, I’d take the trade and walk away a happy man.

Anyways, around 9:45 it was time to go to my first class of the day: the third year students.  Because it was Thanksgiving I was determined to spend my two classes talking to my students about the holiday and telling them stories about what my friends and family would be doing in America that day.  The students don’t really like to do work all that much, and talking about Thanksgiving would be a great way to try to get the students talking in English and keep them from complaining about the book.

It wasn’t.

The first problem with my third year students is that they like to sit next to the radiators on the side of the classroom.  Usually, I’m ok with this as long as they continue to participate in the exercises and do their homework.  It’s much easier to get these students to participate in simple book, however, than it is to get them conversing with me about an American holiday.  While I started by talking about Thanksgiving, I quickly became frustrated with the students that weren’t paying attention. 

Some students were talking amongst themselves; some were fooling around with cell phones, while others just had their heads down nearly sleeping at their desks.  The students that were paying attention continuously asked if we could listen to music or watch a movie during the class (a recurring theme with my third year students).  While I asked the students to pay attention, and tried to ask questions, it was very difficult to get them involved with the class.

I started to become angry and upset.  Not just the type of angry that can be pretty much self-contained, but the Hulk-style rage that I sometimes burn off by going on a run.  At this point, however, I couldn’t leave the classroom to sprint 500 yards before dejectedly walking a couple miles, so I sort of flipped out at the students.

Aggravated, I had them move to the desks in the front and center of the classroom near the board so that we could continue class.  I had them take out their books and we started to do the activities from the book that they loathed.  Despite the fact that the students hate these activities, some of them were actually more participatory when we worked out of the book than when I was trying to talk to them.  Others, however, kept their heads down on their new desks, or talked while other people were talking, or attempted to work on things for other classes.

Trying to get everybody involved, and frustrated because these students didn’t pay any attention when I was talking to them about Thanksgiving, I started to nag one of my students to answer a question.  As I repeatedly asked her, she refused to lift her head off the desk, so I took my book and loudly hit the desk so she would get up.  She didn’t, and I asked somebody else to give me an answer.

By the end of class I was frustrated, angry, and emotionally drained.  I stood in the front of the classroom leaning on the podium and apologized to the class for getting upset with them.  I then asked them to pay more attention and work a little harder during class.  I told them that we were not going to spend every class watching movies and listening to music because I had come a really long way to teach them English.  “I could be back in America with my friends and family right now,” I said, “but I chose to be here with you, and I’d appreciate it if you tried a little harder in class for me.”

Through the next couple periods (as well as lunch) I was angry and upset.  I sat in the office watching episodes of 30 Rock (the show we’re now watching after finishing the first two seasons of Gossip Girl) on my computer and being pretty oblivious to anything and everything that was happening around me in the office. 

After midnight passed in Chicago, I logged onto my parents computer so that I could post my Things I Am Thankful For blog post.  As I went though it and made some last minute adjustments I thought about all my friends back in America.  I thought about my friends from Northbrook who were probably (dare I say it) sharing a few beers at the Landmark Inn at that very moment, I thought about the people from school that were spread across the country with their own family and friends, and I figured that this Thanksgiving had to be the worst day of my time here yet.

After uploading the blog post I was overcome not only with the feelings of dread that I have whenever I publish anything overtly personal (like my sister’s birthday Observer Column) but also an intense feeling of sadness because I was so far away for Thanksgiving.  Again, the questions of what I was doing here in China came to the forefront of my thoughts. 

But I didn’t have too much time to dwell on that, because it was time to teach my first year students.

In my first year class I was actually able to talk about Thanksgiving.  The students listened, and we actually talked about things.  I told them about the Pilgrims and how America is a country of immigrants (I don’t think they understood this).  I told them about the meal that everybody eats, about Turkey, and potatoes, and stuffing (I don’t think I even fully understand what stuffing is).  I told them about parades that were on TV, and how in America these parades have balloons and floats instead of tanks and missiles (I don’t think any of us understand this, because parades suck).  I told them about football, about the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions and the game with my back home friends. 

Then, just when I was running out of things to talk with them about, we started talking about their holidays.  We talked about all sorts of holidays that they have in China.  I found out that apparently Singles Day was two weeks ago and that nobody told me (note to self: start a Singles Day in America when I get home).  They told me about all sorts of holidays that they have in China when certain foods are supposed to be eaten.

By the time my first year class ended, I was no longer upset about the morning class, and had, in fact, been reinvigorated by my first year students.  The school day was coming to a close, and Gavin and I had gotten directions to the restaurant where we could apparently get a Turkey Dinner for Thanksgiving.  While we normally get off the teacher bus at the first stop, to get to the restaurant we took the bus through the streets of Yanji all the way to what seemed like the last stop.

After getting off the bus and walking for a few minutes we arrived at the restaurant where we would have our Thanksgiving Dinner. 

***

After nearly three months in Yanji (with a short break to Beijing and Xi’An) Gavin and I have become pretty accustomed to being the only white people standing in a room, or walking down the sidewalk, or in a restaurant, or anywhere for that matter.  We don’t really notice it when little children take special notice of us, and it doesn’t even bother me that I only understand fractions of what people are saying. 

Since arriving at the beginning of September (not including our trip) we had seen less than ten white people in Yanji.  There are the two of us, the Italian brother that works at the school (3), two Russian college aged girls in a market (4, 5) we saw once in September, a guy walking down the street wearing a Michigan sweatshirt I saw in October (6), the American Priest we have seen in Church a few times (7), the Italian priest that visited the Salesians for a weekend around Halloween (8), and a couple Russian women I saw in the mall when I bought my coat (9, 10). 

That’s it . . . ten white people.

When we walked into the restaurant where we were told we could find Thanksgiving dinner, it came as a huge surprise to us then, that there were white people everywhere.  Walking through the doorway to a restaurant that could seat roughly 80-100 people I was shocked to see about half the tables were filled with westerners.  As I took off my hat and scarf my face must have been brimming with excitement and awe when the owner of the restaurant (a white man that spoke flawless American English) came up to us and introduced himself.

Like Alice, Dorothy, Neo, and the passengers of flight 815 before us; our world had been completely thrown for a loop.  Instantaneously we had dropped down the rabbit hole and crashed through the looking glass which came right back out into a bizzaro version of Yanji that was completely different than what we had grown to expect from the city.

The man, it turned out, was a protestant minister that came to Yanji to teach in a school and ended up opening a restaurant.  He told us how happy they were to have us, and led us to a table where a little girl (probably 8 years old) came and offered us drinks (non-alcoholic, because they are very religious protestants).  She was one of the minister’s daughters.

Awestruck, I sat at our table drinking my Sprite (through a bendy straw!) and looking around the room.  There were several tables of Koreans (who, I found out were actually Korean-Americans) and several other tables filled with white people.  What struck me most were the ages of the people at the tables.  This wasn’t a room full of young service workers that were giving a year or two, but a room full of families that were seemingly spending the rest of their life in China. 

It was particularly shocking to see the young kids there.  Kids of all ages were running around or talking to each other, and it was shocking to see them here in a far flung region of China.  It never really occurred to me that people would do service or missionary work in a far flung region of the world and choose to raise their kids there.  Personally, I don’t think I would have been able to come here had I even been seriously dating anybody, while these people had seemingly brought their whole families here. 

Our waitress (the 8-year old daughter of the minister) brought us our dinner.  A large Turkey leg, a pile of mashed potatoes, stuffing, bread, and some brown substance that tasted like brown sugar with a hint of something gross (I think it might have been yams).  I picked up the knife and fork and realized that I hadn’t actually used a knife and fork in THREE MONTHS.  Sure, I had used a fork when we made pasta in our apartment and I used a knife to mix Tang or instant coffee, but I hadn’t used the two utensils in conjunction with each other since I was back stateside.

To put this in perspective (yea, I said it), the last time I had used a knife and fork we thought Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate had two more years left at Notre Dame, my parents kitchen was still under construction (for all I know this could still be the case) and the Obama administration was still struggling with the issues of health care and a decision in Afghanistan (oh wait).

Anyways, it was comforting to hold the knife and fork and eat the Turkey on Thanksgiving the same way that millions of Americans would later that day. 

While we were eating our meal, the owner of the restaurant went up to a small stage they had inside and thanked everybody for coming.  He said that they were going to open the stage and let people perform if they wanted to.  It was truly turning into a family-style atmosphere as an incredibly tall man came up on stage with his wife, sister, and six children and they began to sing songs. 

Two of his children played Ode to Joy on their guitars while people in the restaurant sang along, followed by two other children playing a song on the piano.  Then, the whole family got on stage and one of the youngest sons read a passage from scripture before the family started singing a song that they had assured us the crowd would know.  While I didn’t recognize the song, I did recognize that people around me all seemed to know the song and the song explicitly mentioned Jesus more times than most songs do.

I realized that all the people in the restaurant weren’t just American, but they also all seemed to be evangelical Christians that were here in China to do some sort of missionary work. 

The young girl brought us coffee as a new group of people walked up on stage.  Four tween girls took the microphone as background music was piped through the speakers and I knew exactly what was about to happen.  The girls started singing Christian Rock songs, karaoke-style, to the delight of all the people in attendance. 

Now I was in bizzaro-Yanji.

It was like the talent show or play that the little kids put on for their Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles after the holiday meal.  This wasn’t just a restaurant, but rather a large extended family gathering between many of the Westerners that live in the Yanji area, and even though we didn’t know anybody here, I was sitting there smiling listening to the girls singing their Christian Rock and enjoying the Thanksgiving celebration.

Like any other holiday gathering, this was also the part when the men and women instinctively separate to discuss the pressing issues of the day.  So a few other men came to our table to talk about Yanji and we shared stories about what we were doing here.  Immediately, the men guessed that we were the ones working with the “Catholics” because they had met previous volunteers.  We told them that we were, and talked a little about our school, and then we asked some questions.

One man was from Alabama and is living here with his wife and two daughters (who at that moment were on the stage singing Christian rock).  He’s been living in this part of the world for a while (except when he went back to the states to work on some sort of movie with Kirk Cameron) running a Technical University. 

Another man told us about how he rode up to the China-North Korea-Russia border on his motorcycle with one of our predecessors.  Another guy told us about his six kids that he was raising here.  Another guy told us about the work he did building a goat farm in North Korea.  None of these guys seemed remotely interested in going back to the United States any time soon.

This really struck me as odd and ironic.

Here I was, in a far flung corner of China talking to a group of hard-core Christians straight out of the movie Saved that had created their own little enclave where nobody finds it odd when another person talks about doing work in North Korea or not having a desire to go back to America any time soon.  Oh, and don’t forget that we were celebrating the quintessential American holiday (not named July 4th). 

After trading phone numbers and e-mail addresses with these guys, it was time to go, so we got in a cab and safely made our way back to our apartment on the other side of town.  We watched a couple episodes of 30 Rock, I sent an e-mail to some friends wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving and telling them that Turkey is literally translated to mean ‘fire chicken’ in Chinese, and then I called my parents to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. 

Then, before most of America was awake on this Thanksgiving, I was back in bed because Friday would be another day of teaching as usual.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Bob’s College Football Power Rankings: Week 13


1.       Florida (12-0)
2.       Alabama (12-0)
3.       TCU (12-0)
4.       Texas (12-0)
5.       Cincinnati (11-0)
6.       Boise State (12-0)
7.       Oregon (9-2)
8.       BYU (10-2)
9.       Georgia Tech (10-2)
10.    Ohio State (10-2)
11.    Iowa (10-2)
12.    Penn State (10-2)
13.    Oregon State (8-3)
14.    Virginia Tech (9-3)
15.    Pittsburgh (9-2)
16.    USC (8-3)
17.    California (8-3)
18.    Utah (9-3)
19.    LSU (9-3)
20.    Miami FL (9-3)

Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Things I’m Thankful For:


I’m thankful for beer.  In a world with so many languages and so many customs, it seems to me that a couple beers can bring anybody together and make fast friends out of the most seemingly different people.  I think this is ultimately why there will never be peace in the Middle East, and why Obama’s beer summit has been the most successful moment of his presidency thus far.

I’m thankful for the internet.  While every aspect of my life since high school would have been wholly and completely different had the internet not become widespread, I would have managed my way through college just fine.  I would not, however, have been able to come to China and do what I am currently doing without the internet, so thank you Al Gore. 

I’m thankful for Ray Rice and Thomas Jones and their continued fantasy football output.  If it wasn’t for them I’d probably now be left at the very bottom of my dynasty league.  Likewise, I’m thankful for Dip, and the fact that he is ALWAYS willing to discuss fantasy football and the NFL overall. 

I’m thankful for Chuck Klosterman, Bill Simmons, Tucker Max, Malcolm Gladwell, David Sedaris, Josh Schwartz, and Ira Glass for being the writers that continue to show me how it’s done (even if none of them know who I am).

I’m thankful, for AJ and Aaron and all the work we put in together in 2007 and 2008 on SaltyStix.com.  They’ll never be able to comprehend how critically important that venture was for me and how much progress I couldn’t have made without them.

I’m thankful for Notre Dame Students—for the unique things they do, for all their personality quirks, and for the wide array of interesting, unusual, and perfectly normal things that they like.

I’m thankful for Brad, Sean, and Andrew who helped me to organize the original list of these things, and for giving me the necessary tools and preparation to move forward on my own. 

I’m thankful for all the people that read my stuff before I post or publish it, and the incredibly helpful comments they are always willing to give me.  With any luck, I’ll someday have editors to do this; but for now I’m thankful to have such a great group of friends that I can trust to help me out, and always seem to get back to me much faster than I anticipate.

I’m thankful to Father Henry Bonetti for choosing me for my current position, for Adam Rudin who helped me to get here, and for all of the teachers and Salesians I have met here in China.  They’ve given me an opportunity I am truly grateful for, and taught me so much in my short time here.

I’m thankful for Gavin, my roommate, and particularly his ability to speak Chinese.  This would have been infinitely more difficult without him.

I’m thankful for Jack and our hilarious gChat conversations . . . for Brad and his similarly awesome e-mail updates . . . for Julie who keeps me informed on everything happening back on campus . . . for Hogan and our seemingly endless political back-and-forth that will ultimately bring me to Kansas . . . and for the many others that don’t just delete the e-mail I send, but spend the time to thoughtfully respond to me with their own funny stories and updates.  Life is busy, and I really appreciate it when people take the time to stay contacted.

I’m thankful for Sharky, the best friend that is always there for me even when I’m so far away.

Finally, but most importantly, I am thankful for my parents.  I am thankful that they paid roughly $200,000 over the past four years to educate me, and that they didn’t make too much of a fuss when I accepted a job that pays less than $300 each month.  I’m thankful that they have supported me in China by continuing to update my blogs and by sending me pancake mix, fruit snacks, and my beloved Goldfish crackers.  I’m thankful for their faith in my abilities, and for their trust that I have an idea of why I do the things that I do. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Top Ten Thanksgiving Television Episodes:

While there isn’t a very large cinematic history of Thanksgiving films (off the top of my head I can think of zero Thanksgiving themed movies) some of my favorite television shows depict the quintessentially American holiday in regular intervals.  Because I won’t actually be in America for Thanksgiving this year (and because I haven’t really posted anything film or television related on this site yet), I’ve assembled my list of the Top 10 Thanksgiving TV episodes from recent years.

10) The Magnificent Archibalds (Gossip Girl Season 2)

Thanksgiving seems to have a special place in the world of Gossip Girl, and by the time the second season Turkey Day episode comes around, tensions are clearly at a high.  Blair hates Cyrus, Chuck and Vanessa must work together, Bart’s secret files are uncovered, and it all ends up giving the audience what they want by bringing Rufus and Lily together for another Thanksgiving.

9) Slapsgiving (How I Met Your Mother, Season 3)

After unveiling a website before the third season that counted down the time until Marshall utilized his second slap, the HIMYM writers set the stage for an epic Thanksgiving celebration.  While the old Bob gag was kind of silly, I loved when Robin and Ted realize that they are still friends.  Marshall’s post-slap closing song is also a thing of beauty.

8) The One With All The Thanksgivings (Friends, Season 5)

I’ve seen nearly every episode of Friends in syndication, and I’m pretty sure they had a Thanksgiving episode in every season of the show.  The fifth season episode is one of the best as it features outstanding flashbacks of Ross, Chandler, Rachel, and Monica in the late 1980s.  Joey also puts a Turkey on his head.

7) The Cold Turkey (The OC, Season 4)

Summer returns from college and isn’t herself.  Taylor returns from France and starts to become the great character that made the fourth season excellent.  Sandy helps Volchok turn himself in, and a group of homeless people have dinner at the Cohen’s.  This episode not only essentially wrapped up the Marissa-died story arc, but it is also notable as the last time that Ryan got into a fight.

6) Belly Full of Turkey (How I Met Your Mother, Season 1)

One of the classic early season episodes of How I Met Your Mother features Ted and Robin trying to do some good at a soup kitchen—and discover that Barney works there regularly.  All is right in the end, however, with the three enjoying Thanksgiving at a strip club.  In Minnesota, Lily meets the Eriksons, and thinks she’s pregnant.

5) Blair Waldorf Must Pie (Gossip Girl, Season 1)

The first Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episode brings Lily and family to the Humphrey’s for Thanksgiving where the kids finally find out about their parents’ past.   This causes Rufus to make a choice, and he annoyingly chooses the wife that looks like E.T.  The great thing about this episode, however, is the use of excellent flashbacks to the previous year’s thanksgiving that show how much each of the characters changed.

4) Thanksgiving (Home Improvement, Season 7)

Tim Taylor goes to the Lions game for Thanksgiving . . . and accidentally turns off the lights.  Oh, and Rodney Dangerfield.

3) The One With Chandler in a Box (Friends, Season 4)

Joey puts Chandler in a box for the entire meal after finding out that he kissed his girlfriend.  I don’t really remember what else happened in the episode, but the box punishment is one of the best gags I’ve seen in sitcoms and comes to a heartfelt conclusion by the end.

2) Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap (How I Met Your Mother, Season 5)

While I’m a bit disappointed that the fourth slap didn’t come out of nowhere, this episode was a prime example of what HIMYM is when at the top of its game.  Not only did every character have something critical to do, but every character actually had their own funny moments in the episode.  Barney’s fear of the slap was excellent, and his speech to build up Robin’s anger was classic.  Ted and Robin’s arguments throughout were the best interaction they have had in almost a year (since Benefits), and Lily and Marshall actually had some real emotional moments.  The commercial at the end topped it all off, and continued the outstanding stretch of HIMYM side gags.

1) The Homecoming (The OC, Season 1)

I love television episodes that give every main character conflict, and these episodes are only heightened when the conflicts overlap and intertwine themselves together.  This episode does that to perfection.  While Seth is caught between two girls (Anna and Summer) in Newport, Ryan is also caught between two girls (Theresa and Marrissa) and a jailed brother in Chino.  Meanwhile, tensions are high amongst the adults when Caleb and Julie invite themselves over to the Thanksgiving that Sandy and Kirsten were using to set up Rachel and Jimmy.  With everything going crazy, the turkey burns and we get an early glimpse of Kirsten’s future alcoholism.  This episode is simply one of the best of the series run.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Country Roads, Take Me Home

This is Part 2 of a story.  Click Here for Part 1.


Standing at the snow covered fork in the road atop a slightly wooded ridge where I could look down at the group of sheep herders (shepherds, I suppose) that were pushing their flock into a truck I wondered if this was as far as  we were going on this hike.  Four hours after we had set off from the school we had seen nothing interesting, had done nothing interesting, and had seemingly wasting away an entire day just walking for the sake of walking.

This was not my idea of fun.

For lunch, two vans had brought up boxes full of some sort of wrapped Korean sushi-like item.  Needless to say I did not enjoy it, and I did not eat much of it.  I knew that as long as I didn’t think about being hungry, it wouldn’t be that much of an issue. 

As the vans pulled away the students lined up in their rows like they had at the beginning of the day and did some more of their “stretches”.  It was time to start the long journey back.  It was 2:00.

“I AM POSITIVE . . . I AM CAPABILITY . . . I AM RESPONSIBILITY,” Lambert yelled.

“I CAN DO IT!!”

We start the walk back down the hill while some students were straggling behind making snowballs and horsing around.  I quickly find myself at the head of the pack following only a couple teachers.  Gavin is near me talking to The Principal in Chinese so I begin to listen to them while we trudge along.  I tried not to think about the impending soreness that was sure to overcome us very soon.

Having been here for two months, I have started to pick up some Chinese and can understand conversations remarkably well if the people are talking slow enough and I am listening carefully enough.  I still can’t really talk very much on my own, but if Gavin is talking to somebody and they are talking slow enough; I usually have a pretty good idea of what is going on.

I guess it’s kind of like how I was in my Economics classes at Notre Dame.  If I listened enough in class, I usually had a decent enough understanding of what was going on, but I really had to study for the tests in order to recreate this knowledge on my own.  The problem here, as it was there, is that I usually got/get bored of listening very carefully and zone out.  While this usually led to me playing Solitaire, outlining Observer columns, or napping in my classes back at school; here in China on a hike through the countryside it led to me thinking my mind around the world about how at that very moment some of my friends were at Finny’s and my sister was at Fever (come on Julie) because in South Bend it was 2:00 AM Thursday while here in Yanji it was Friday and 3:00 PM.

Having already zoned out of the conversation between Gavin and The Principal, I decided to listen to some music for a while.  Six hours had gone by since we left the school and my legs were definitely sore.  My boots were dripping in mud and my jeans had some splattered up the back.  Some of the students were starting to get restless, and I approached the guy leading this expedition to ask how much further we had to go.

As it turns out, we had made a wrong turn a little while earlier and actually had farther to go then we should have had.  The good news was that the new road we were on didn’t have as many hills, so we should be able to make it back in about three hours.  Shocked at the time estimate, I asked him how long the total hike was supposed to be and he told me that we would be going about 32 kilometers today.  Quickly thinking back to my cross country days, I figured out that a 5k is about 3.1 miles; I figured out that we would be walking nearly 20 MILES overall. 

While lots of thoughts went through my mind, two things stuck out.  The first was that this was probably the most pointless hike I have ever done in my life.  There was no sense of accomplishment because we weren’t really accomplishing anything.  We saw no interesting sights or views.  There was no point.

The second thought was that NO SCHOOL in America would ever put their students through something like this.  None of the students seemed to be enjoying this, but none of the students were questioning it either.  Everybody was just blinding following each other just because one person said to (an idea that really separates Americans from Chinese people). 

Everything was beyond ridiculous as the hour got later and we walked father.  When we briefly stopped for a rest I put my sweatshirt, coat, and winter hat back on, but I continued to listen to my iPod.  If anything was going to pass the time it would be a randomized mix of Taylor Swift, Blink-182, Green Day, The Shins, The Killers, the Red Hot Chile Peppers, Death Cab for Cutie, and the occasional classic rock song thrown in for good measure.  It was 4:00.

By 4:00 in Yanji at this time of the year, the sun is setting.  Figuring that we would be walking for a good couple hours in complete darkness I wondered if any of the supposedly responsible teachers were aware of this.  Evidently walking through a dark, cold night on an unlit one lane country road had been the plan all along because as dusk descended upon us we were still quite far from the city.

We approached a point in the road that was under water and had to make our way across the water by stepping from rock to rock across.  Since I was at the front of the group, this wasn’t much of a problem, but once I got across and up the nearby hill I saw a car coming.  Thankfully the car slowed down as it approached the water-covered section of the road, but many of the kids that were crossing on either side definitely got wet. 

We kept walking.  All the students were aching from the distance walked.  Many were wet and not wearing enough clothing.  The sun had set, it was getting darker by the minute, and some teachers decided that this would be a great time to stop and take a rest.  Knowing that my legs would only feel worse if I stopped walking, I continued ahead with the lead group of a couple teachers and one of my third year students, Jack. 

It was 5:00 and completely dark outside when we first saw the lights of the city in the distance.  I didn’t think we had walked that far, but the lights still looked incredibly far away.  “This is so terrible,” Jack, the one student in our group yelled.  “So terrible.”

I put my iPod headphones back in and was listening to Party in the USA and thinking about my next Observer Column when a truck barreled over the hill in front of us and came careening down the road.  Quickly getting off the road, I looked behind at the line of students walking up the road.  I could barely see them if not for the handful of flashlights and couple dozen cell phones that were flashing so that the group could be seen.  The truck slowed down a little as it passed the group, but not nearly enough to comfort me. 

“This is SO horrible,” Jack said—I couldn’t disagree with him.

Not too long after the truck drove past, a red sedan slowly came towards us and opened the windows.  It was Principal Paul coming to check up on us.  With a big smile on his face he asked how we were doing, and we said we were ok.  I mentioned that it had been a long day, and that we were thankful we were almost back in the city and off of the country roads.  He continued to smile and drove down the road to see the rest of the group.

While it couldn’t get any darker than it already was, it continued to get colder and my legs continued to get sorer.  Having walked so far I felt like my feet were going to fall off or something.  I envisioned the scene from Terminator 2 where the bad guy starts walking while he is being frozen and his legs break off and crumble.  I was tired, hungry, cold, and sore. 

Around 6:00 we were back on actual multi-lane streets (not that lanes actually matter much here) and walking towards the center of the city.  We hadn’t walked long on the actual streets when we stopped at a seemingly random corner, and the teachers lined up all of the students.  After talking to them for awhile about what a good job they all did, the students were dismissed.  I wasn’t exactly sure where we were in relation to the school, but apparently it was not a problem to let the students leave at a seemingly random location.

As the students were leaving, some cars came and started shuttling the teachers to a restaurant where we were going to eat dinner and drink beers.  Desperately wanting nothing more than to just take off my boots and lay down in bed, I got to the restaurant and finally sat down in a chair.  After a long day of walking it was finally time to eat, to drink, and to relax. 

Thankfully we had come to my favorite restaurant here in Yanji (at least out of the dozen or so restaurants I have been to).  At this restaurant the tables have openings in the center where coal is put.  Skewers are then brought out with raw meat on them and somebody at the table cooks the meat over the coals.  Everybody gets small plates for some spices as well as a dish with sauce in it.  Meat with spices and dipping sauce, coupled with beer, makes the meals that I have had at this place some of the best; and a very pleasing end to a miserable day hiking.

So we ate meat, and drank beers, and ate more meat, and drank a lot more beers.  As usually happens at these types of events, people taught me Chinese words that I could not remember the next day, and I talked to anybody that wanted.  At one point, one of the other teachers [who had not been drinking beer, but something called Baijiu, which I refuse to drink for reasons you can infer from the link] started talking about how he wanted to visit Gavin and I in America some day and go to a baseball game.  He kept going on and on about this and other things not in a serious manner, but in a “I’m drunk and am going to start rattling off things that I want to do but will never actually do” kind of way.

Like I have done many times before, and certainly will do many times again, I said to the table, “He is drunk.”  It wasn’t in an inflammatory way or anything; I was pretty much just stating a fact.  At that point the table got quiet.  Apparently, I had made one of those ever-possible cultural faux pas, and the only way to lighten the mood was for somebody else to say that I was drunk (which I kind of was).  Learning that I should never say that somebody is drunk again, it was about time to go.

As we all left the restaurant, Principal Paul offered Gavin and I a ride home.  Thankful that the walking we had left to endure would only be up the staircase to our seventh floor apartment, I quickly got in the back of the car and waited for Gavin.  Once everybody was in the car (Principal Paul, Gavin, Savio, and Lambert—who was also getting a ride home from the two Salesians) we set off for our apartment.

While the inside of our apartment is actually somewhat nice (probably more spacious than what I would currently be living in had I taken a job in New York or Chicago) the outside is not.  What would probably be described with the word ‘project’ in the United States, the outside of our Apartment building features roads that are haphazardly paved, broken glass always within sight, hills of dirt and snow, and an uneven dirt road on one side.

If you have never seen uneven dirt roads after an unseasonably warm winter day that allowed most of the remaining snow to melt, then you are probably wondering why I didn’t end this story about 100 words earlier.  The rest of you probably know what is going to happen next.

After telling Paul that we can get out and walk the rest of the way, Gavin then warns him not to drive through the huge lake-like puddle that is standing between the car and our apartment.  Determined to get us as close as possible, Paul keeps going forward, and keeps going forward, and keeps going forward until the wheels of the car are spinning in place and mud is flying everywhere.

We were stuck, and it was time to start pushing. 

Savio, Lambert, Gavin, and I got of the car and into the mud and started pushing it from behind as Paul kept hitting the gas trying to get it out of the mud.  The mud flew off the tires towards the back of the car splattering our faces and covering our clothing head to toe with mud.  We pushed, and we pushed, but the car did not want to budge at all.  We were about a minute walk from our apartment where we could change our clothing, take off our boots, put up our feet, warm up, and go to sleep; but we still couldn’t get home.

Ten minutes or so of pushing and accelerating did nothing to move the car out of the mud (and probably even made matters worse) so we all stopped for a moment to rest and reevaluated the situation. Savio tried calling another Salesian to come with a larger SUV to help.  Gavin continued to push the car.  I climbed up a small hill of mud and snow that was next to the car to get a better look and Lambert went to go relieve himself nearby.

The situation was looking pretty bad as I tried to figure out how we could get the car out of this mud.  Despite my camping experiences, I had really never seen a car that was more stuck in mud.  Sure there was the time when Sharky and I completely destroyed the grass in front of O’Neill with a UHaul that was marginally stuck, but the wheels on that truck were sitting much higher above the mud then the wheels on this car.

I wiped a bit off my face and stepped down into the mud and water as Gavin tried to throw some drier dirt under the tires and Savio continued to make phone calls trying to get help.  Just then, as if out of nowhere, Lambert starting yelling at Paul to turn the tires and put it in reverse.  Thinking that the situation was hopeless, I watched in awe as the car magically drove out of the water and got itself back on solid ground. 

Paul offered to drive around another way to get us to our apartment, but we weren’t going to mess around anymore and assured him that we could walk the rest of the way. 

Trudging up the six flights of stairs to our apartment, Gavin and I were covered from head to toe in mud.  My pants and jacket had a solid layer of mud on them, and my face was covered.  Walking into the door of our apartment I immediately took off all the muddy clothing and put it in the wash.  After a shower and an episode of Gossip Girl, I laid down in bed and instantaneously fell asleep, not realizing how sore my legs and feet were going to be for the next several days.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Bob’s College Football Power Rankings: Week 12


1.       Florida (11-0)
2.       Alabama (11-0)
3.       TCU (11-0)
4.       Texas (11-0)
5.       Cincinnati (10-0)
6.       Boise State (11-0)
7.       Georgia Tech (10-1)
8.       Pittsburgh (9-1)
9.       Oregon (9-2)
10.    Ohio State (10-2)
11.    Penn State (10-2)
12.    Utah (9-2)
13.    Oklahoma State (9-2)
14.    BYU (9-2)
15.    Oregon State (8-3)
16.    Virginia Tech (8-3)
17.    Clemson (8-3)
18.    California (8-3)
19.    Iowa (10-2)
20.    North Carolina (8-3)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

They Don’t Really Speak English in Paris


I focus far too much on trying to write pieces that tie disparate stories together and have some sort of lesson learned or moment of realization at the end.  Because of this I’ve been in a rut the past couple weeks working on various parts of six different posts for this blog (including the infamous food post I have been promising many friends and family members in emails for months).  I often forget that the main reason people read this site is to hear stories from my time in China.  With that in mind, the following is my story of two Fridays ago (11/6/2009).

***

While I ate my bowl of cocoa puffs (or something like cocoa puffs) and naively read articles on my computer about Notre Dame’s BCS bowl prospects I wondered how warm it would be for our hike that day.  It had been pretty cold earlier in the week (and had even snowed on Halloween the previous Saturday) but the snow was melting and Weather.com told me that it was going to even get up into the low 60’s.  It should be a great day for a hike, I thought.

Our school has a tradition where the third year students are led on a hike into the countryside towards the end of their final semester, and this was the day of the hike.  A few days earlier, when we were told that we could miss our classes to go on the Friday hike, my roommate Gavin and I eagerly agreed to go thinking that it would be a fun and interesting day.

When we arrived at school that morning, the building and surrounding area were covered with one of the densest fogs I have ever experienced.  Almost nothing could be seen out the window of our third floor office, and we could barely see the hills behind our school as the third year students lined up outside the front of the building.  As I watched the students stand in rows and do something they claimed were stretches, Principal Paul (a religious that shouldn’t be confused with The Principal) came up to me with a big smile on his face and asked me if I was ready for the hike.  It was pretty cold at this point and my light jacket and hoody probably weren’t sufficient, but I told him that I was ready for what was ahead.

Once the stretches were done, The Principal had given his speech, and another teacher had the students yell some Chinese phrases to pump them up, we set off down the long driveway from the school to the main road into the city.  The English students were first to leave so Gavin, myself, and a couple other English teachers were at the front of the pack.  It was 9:00 AM.

After walking down the driveway and out the front gate, we started walking down the side of the street into the city.  Lambert, the head English teacher for the third year students, handed each of his students a small slip of paper that had things written on it in Chinese, Korean, and English.  Taking one for myself I saw that it said, “I am Positive, I am Capability, I am Responsibility.”  Of all the people we have met here in Yanji, Lambert probably has the best English—but he really should have asked us to proofread this for him.

He yells to the students to get them motivated: “I AM POSITIVE!!”

“I AM POSITIVE,” the students yell back in a call and response type fashion.

“I AM CAPBILITY,” they continue, “I AM RESPONSIBILITY,” I start to laugh at how absurd these phrases sound when Lambert yells, “I CAN DO IT!!!”  Clearly excited by this means of motivation, we continue to walk down the side of a street with cars driving right past us in the reckless manner that defines the driving style of the Chinese.  I feel lucky that nobody gets hurt.

We continue walking through the streets of our city for about an hour until we get to the point where the lanes turn into one and the cars become scarce.  With crops, and cattle, and increasingly more sporadic rundown buildings on each side of the one lane road that we found ourselves walking down, we clearly had left the city and entered the countryside.  It was 10:00 AM

At this point in the walk I came across one of the students, Dave, from my computer class.  While I mainly teach English major students (3-4 sessions for each of the three years each week), I have to teach one 45 minute computer class each week.  The computer class is the worst part of my week.  The students can barely speak English, none of them want to be there, and they don’t get grades for the class.  Basically, I spend those 45 minutes acting like a crazy person. 

Dave, however, is different.  He is the one student in the computer class that seemingly wants to learn something and will try to participate when I attempt to have the students do an activity.  Dave and I started to talk. 

We talk about what we are going to do this weekend.  He has a weekend job with computers that he works, while I need to buy a scarf, and maybe even buy a new coat.  He tells me that I shouldn’t go to the mall to buy things because they are more expensive and that I should go to the market (less than ten days later I will spend more than one month’s pay on a coat at the mall, thank you savings).  We continue talking, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to understand exactly what he is saying.  He is, remember, still a student from the computer class and can barely speak English. 

At one point in our conversation he talks about how he wants something.  Friends?  I have a lot of trouble understanding what he is trying to tell me.  Parents?  After repeating one phrase for probably ten times I finally figure out that he is talking about Paris.  He tells me that he wants to travel to Paris some day and that he wants to learn English so that he will be able to travel to Paris.

“They don’t really speak English in Paris,” I tell him, “they speak French.”

He explains to me how they speak English all over Europe and that if he learns English he will be able to travel there.  Having been to Paris, I don’t really dispute what he tells me.  Of course English isn’t the primary language in Paris, but there are certainly a lot more English speakers there than in Yanji, and you could probably travel around Paris pretty effortlessly by just speaking English.

After talking with him a little while longer the group stopped for a rest in a snow covered field on the side of the road.  While some students used nearby outhouses or sat down for a rest; others started to throw snowballs at each other.  I talked with Savio, one of the other English teachers (who is a religious from Korea), and ate some chocolate for energy.  It is 11:00 AM.

We started walking again and I soon heard Lambert yell, “I AM POSITIVE . . .” and the students continued to repeat the call and response. At this point the line of hikers had broken up a bit and I found myself far behind the lead group of teachers while still significantly ahead of most of the students.  With nobody really near me I decided to listen to my Meet the Press podcast. 

After a nice hour listening to Tim Geithner spout bullshit, David Plouffe interestingly talk about last year’s Obama campaign, and an excellent discussion between Andrea Mitchell, Jim Miklaszewski (that took forever to spell correctly), and Jon Krakauer about foreign policy; it had become a very nice day.  I stopped to take off my jacket AND sweatshirt and change hats (because those of you that know me wouldn’t be shocked to find out that I haven’t gotten a haircut since August).  So I continued the hike up a country road in northern China proudly wearing my Saint Mary’s swimming and diving t-shirt and my favorite ND hat looking as if I was on my way to The Backer.  It was 12:00, and we were cruising.

Realizing that the walking had gone much faster while I was listening to something interesting, I spun my iPod to the David Sedaris audiobook that I hadn’t given much thought to since I arrived in China.  Earlier this summer, after I started listening to This American Life, I bought the audiobook Me Talk Pretty One Day, which is essentially a book of essays by Sedaris (who got his start on the aforementioned radio program).  Remembering that I had used a healthy mix of MTP, Sedaris, and old 40’s at 4:00 playlists to power myself through a couple marathon drives during my solo east coast road trip last summer, I figured that the same would work well on what was turning out to be an equally long hike (long in terms of time, not distance).

So I started the audiobook where I had left off, which was on an essay entitled The Tapeworm Is In.  This essay is from the part of the book where Sedaris describes his time living in France and his feeble attempts to learn French.  In the essay he talks about how he bought a walkman so that he could listen to French lessons on cassette, but how once he got to France he listened to something else.  He wrote/spoke (because Sedaris reads his own audiobooks):

“I started off my life in Paris by listening to American books on tape.  I’d never been a big fan of the medium but welcomed them as an opportunity to bone up on my English.  Often these were books I would never have sat down and read.  Still though, even when they were dull, I enjoyed the disconcerting combination of French life and English narration.  Here was Paris, wrongly dubbed for my listening pleasure,”

As I listened to these words come through my iPod headphones, it didn’t take long for the irony to sink in.  Here I was in China listening to a book I probably never would have sat down and read where a guy is describing his experiences doing this exact same thing in France.  While I too enjoyed the disconcerting combination of rural Chinese life and Sedaris’s lispy narration I yanked out my headphones in horror of irony. 

Trudging along up the hilly road in the Chinese countryside I thought about ways that I could highlight the irony of the moment into a story about something greater.  What would the twist be?  What would the concluding realization be?  How could I connect the end back to the beginning in a satisfying way that would help it all make sense? To what would the story of the 3rd Year Hike be leading? 

It was 1:00 and we had made it to the intersection of three country roads on a slightly wooded ridge.  There was nothing special about this place at all.  No good views, no picnic benches, no outhouses, nothing.  It was the midpoint of our hike and a couple vans came up the road from the school to give us our lunch.  This was also the furthest point we would be going.  After eating and resting we would turn around and walk the four hours back.

What was the point of all this?



Monday, November 16, 2009

From the Archives. . .

"Well today I found out what Batman can't do.  He can't endure this.  Today you finally get to say 'I told you so'." -Bruce Wayne in The Dark Knight


At the end of last year's football season, I wrote This Column in The Observer.  I thought it would be interesting to read again in light of the past two weekends.


"Today, sir, I don't want to." -Alfred Pennyworth's response


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bob’s College Football Power Rankings: Week 11


1.       Florida (10-0)
2.       Alabama (10-0)
3.       TCU (10-0)
4.       Texas (10-0)
5.       Cincinnati (10-0)
6.       Boise State (10-0)
7.       Georgia Tech (10-1)
8.       Pittsburgh (9-1)
9.       Ohio State (9-2)
10.    LSU (8-2)
11.    Oklahoma State (8-2)
12.    Oregon (8-2)
13.    Penn State (9-2)
14.    Utah (8-2)
15.    BYU (8-2)
16.    Wisconsin (8-2)
17.    Oregon State (7-3)
18.    Virginia Tech (7-3)
19.    Stanford (7-3)
20.    Clemson (7-3)

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Observer Finds New Ways to Confuse Me

Originally my column this week was entitled Party in the P.R.C.  Not only do they have no idea why this was changed to P.R.T., but I don't even know what P.R.T. is supposed to stand for.

Party in the P.R.C.


7:54 AM ET Update: The Online version of column is now utilizing the correct title, unfortunately the print version can not be updated.

Monday, November 9, 2009

That’s It, I No Longer Believe.

For much of the past year I have been a supporter of Coach Weis.  The rational reasons I continued to support him despite far too many close games against inferior competition (and a loss to Michigan) were the same reasons that anybody might give.  I believed (and still believe) that he has worked tirelessly upgrading the talent level to a place that many thought impossible.  He has developed a truly elite offense that is one of the best in college football.  He is a class individual and the type of person that I want representing my alma mater.

With that said, the main reasons I chose to believe in Coach Weis were not the rational ones, but rather my own personal ones.  Coach Weis’s first game as the head coach was also my first game as a student.  I remember sitting in the 4a section lounge less than two weeks after my parents dropped me off at Notre Dame watching Weis’s team demolish Pittsburgh.  I remember the feeling when the team stormed out of the tunnel wearing the green jerseys later that year against USC.  I remember my first road game to the Fiesta Bowl that winter when we were all hoping for a BCS bowl victory; when we all believed that the next three years of Irish football would truly be something special.

I remember the subsequent road trips: Michigan State and our comeback in the rain; the Navy game in Baltimore when all the Naval Academy Midshipmen marched across the field before the game and sang our fight song; playing flip-cup in front of the Coliseum; the tailgate between two RVs at Penn State; leaving the Michigan game early; the frat party at Purdue; the perfect tailgate outside the Rose Bowl against UCLA; thinking we had a chance against UNC; Ty Willingham running off the field in Seattle; staying dry while everybody else got soaked at BC.  My friends and I literally followed the team all across the country.
                    
Regardless of the outcome of those games, I continued to believe.  Even when I wrote an Observer Column questioning (albeit not chastising) the decision to retain Weis last year, I believed.  Even when we passed on 2nd and 3rd downs at the end of the Michigan game, I believed.  Even when the clock hit zero (the second time) against USC this year, I believed. 

I guess the real reason why I so desperately wanted Coach Weis to be successful in the long term was because it would have given meaning to all of those games I followed the team.  Sure we had fun in each of those cities on each of those weekends, and I don’t regret one decision that we made, but a BCS game this year or a Championship next year would have meant that all of those games were leading somewhere.

So I continued to believe.

As a fan of movies and television, I’m programmed to think things are leading somewhere.  Weis leaving now and another rebuilding project mean that all of those games were leading nowhere.  It would be like if How I Met Your Mother [or Lost, to a much greater extent] was abruptly cancelled.  Sure I’ve loved watching the series, but there would be a helpless feeling of emptiness if we never found out who the mother was or where everything was leading. 

Real life, quite obviously, isn’t like television.  Sure we can plan for things to happen and hope that things happen but rarely will it all come together nicely in the end.  People get hurt, shit happens, and life moves on.  In light of what transpired this weekend, the only thing I currently believe is that it’s now time to move on. 

The night before the USC game, a hypothetical was proposed to me: if the stakes were life and death, which team would I pick to win the game.  My answer was that I believed that Notre Dame was going to win the game, so I couldn’t possibly risk my life choosing something I didn’t believe in.  As painful as it is for me; right now, I no longer hold those same beliefs. 

Who Now?

If we’re now looking towards the future of Notre Dame Football, I want to share my thoughts on who I’d like to see replace Coach Weis.  Before I do that, however, I’m going to address the men most commonly talked about on message boards (such as Rock’s House) and why I don’t think they will be (or should be) our next coach.

Urban Meyer: Despite the fact that he would have no real motivation to leave his job at Florida, I do believe that Notre Dame is his dream job.  With that said, I was completely turned off to him after the Brandon Spikes situation last week.  I want a coach we can be proud of, and right now Meyer does not fit the bill.

Bob Stoops: I wouldn’t be opposed to him at all, but I really don’t think that he would leave his job at Oklahoma.  Until somebody gives a compelling reason why he would, I’m not counting on it.

Nick Saban: Am I the only person who doesn’t understand all the infatuation with him?  He seems to me to be completely sleazy.  He has no loyalty, does his best work with JUCO players (although the next coach might have to with Nate Montana), and had wins revoked last year for NCAA violations.  He might bring us back into contention, but at what cost?

Jon Gruden: People seem to love Jon Gruden, but I don’t get it.  He hasn’t coached at the college level in nearly 20 years (which would bring the same problems that Weis had).  For most of his tenure with the Bucs, the team was mediocre (below .500 in his final 6 seasons).  The players apparently hated him, and his offense was oftentimes bad (and he is an offensive guy).  Sure, he won one Super Bowl, but many credit that to a team that Tony Dungy assembled and the fact that Gruden knew the opponent really, really well. 
The biggest thing people seem to be overlooking about Jon Gruden, however, is that his defenses in Tampa were led by Monte Kiffin, a man that is probably one of the best defensive coordinators in the history of football.  Irish fans that want Gruden as the coach point out that he always had great defense, but I doubt he had anything to do with the defense.  He didn’t even hire Kiffin as the defensive coordinator in Tampa.  The way I see it, Gruden is more unknown that Weis was five years ago, and unless he is bringing Kiffin with him (unlikely since the elder Kiffin is running the defense on his son’s staff at Tennessee) he wouldn’t be an improvement over Weis.

My Choices

My position has always been that firing Weis is only a good idea if we can find a replacement that will most likely do a better job, and will actually want to come here and do it.  I don’t think the above four choices (who are most often mentioned) meet those two criteria.  Because of this, if Weis is fired, I believe that Jack Swarbrick should first attempt to hire Will Muschamp, the defensive coordinator at Texas. 

While Muschamp is the “head-coach-in-waiting” at UT, I think it is far more likely that our administration can convince him to take the job (considering how uncertain Mack Brown’s retirement is) than it would be for them to convince the actual head coaches at Florida, Alabama, or Oklahoma to ditch their current jobs to come to Notre Dame.  Anybody that thinks otherwise is living in a fantasyland.

Muschamp meets my three biggest criteria in that he 1) Has experience recruiting and coaching elite college teams (Texas, Auburn, LSU), 2) Is defensive minded and might not require a complete overhaul of the offense (see Rich Rodriguez, Michigan), and 3) Is young and on the upward arc of his career.  While others might be looking for the sure thing hires, I think Will Muschamp would undoubtedly be an excellent choice.

If he is unwilling to leave UT (which is a big possibility) my second choice would be Florida defensive coordinator Charlie Strong.  Strong has done an excellent job with the defense at Florida in recent years, has experience coaching under both Urban Meyer AND Lou Holtz, and previously was on staff at ND.  Strong can recruit and has experience at the big schools, and unlike Muschamp is not a “head-coach-in-waiting”. 

For the life of me I don’t understand why I haven’t seen these names on Rock’s House or other message boards, but then again I could never understand why those people didn’t believe in Weis.  I guess there are just some things I will never understand.

Go Irish, Beat Panthers