Glee Review: “Britney/Brittany”

Following in the footsteps of last season’s tributes to Madonna, Lady Gaga, and (ostensibly) Journey; last night’s episode of Glee wrapped itself around the music of Britney Spears and used this music to inspire some of the characters to try different things in their lives.  While I had my doubts early in the episode, and while there were some unnecessary deviations in the story threads, I thought this was another decently strong episode for the show.

The first storyline was driven by the emerging love triangle between Will, Emma, and her new boyfriend Carl the dentist (JOHN STAMOS!!!).  Inspired by the music of Spears and the advice of Carl (“you gotta get ridiculous, bro”), Will decides to make some drastic changes in his life such as buying a new car and fully embracing the glee club’s love of Spears to impress Emma and compete with Carl. 

This story worked well because the actions of the characters made sense and because it is (hopefully) setting up things to come in future episodes.  I also loved how it took a small twist on the standard television love triangle storyline when Carl said, “If she leaves me for you, do you really want me coming around after you?”  Hopefully, Glee will take a slightly different approach to this and not have the two fighting with each other every week (kind of like the Cold War of love triangles).

The second primary storyline of the episode delved deeper into the relationship between Finn and Rachel (or at least it tried).  From what I could follow, Finn is sad that he is now a loser because he is no longer on the football team and Rachel doesn’t want him to re-join the football team because he will be cooler than she is (and she “wants to be the only thing that makes him happy”).  This is compounded by the fact that Rachel does not dress like a slut.

As I wrote last week, I think this relationship is really poorly developed and these characters are rarely shown to like each other and almost never show affection for each other.  That problem was again pervasive through this episode as Rachel acted like a complete bitch and Finn acted like a Nick Saban-esque emotionless robot.  Rachel is inspired by the music of Spears to dress as a slut and Finn is inspired to rejoin the football team, creating inexplicable and poorly developed drama between the two.

The storyline looked like it was about to careen off a narrative cliff when Quinn approached Finn and a new love triangle was being formed, but then (shockingly) it saved itself and the entire Rachel-Finn storyline when we found out that Quinn was just testing Finn for Rachel to see if he really “loved” her.  I thought this scene was excellent not only because it gave some much-needed depth to Rachel and Finn (depth that didn’t come from football uniforms and slutty clothing), but also because it showed that Quinn and Rachel might actually be friends that wouldn’t stab each other in the back.

I think these character and story developments were definitely a step in the right direction for the show, even if most of the Finn-Rachel plot was pretty weak.  The thing about Glee, however, is that there were still a lot of other things going on, so we move to the bullet points:

Other Quick Thoughts:

-I love the fact that John Stamos has been brought on as Emma’s new love interest.  As we all remember* Uncle Jesse was a musician in Full House, and Stamos himself has done some touring with the Beach Boys.  I only hope that at some point in the coming weeks we hear Stamos sing a Beach Boys ballad to Emma, that would be fantastic.

*Actually, I’m highly concerned that the average Glee fan does not remember Full House as it finished its run over 15 years ago!  Do current high schoolers see Stamos as “that guy from E.R.”?

-The most unnecessary tangent of this episode was Artie again trying to join the football team.  As a one episode gag, it was annoying but tolerable.  For this to make it into another episode is inexcusable.  Now that Artie is evidently going to be ON the team, we’re probably going to be stuck with more episodes of this.  Jason Street is rolling in his grave.

-Was it really necessary for them to bring back Terri?  They were doing a pretty solid job with the Will-Emma-Carl storyline, and Terri adds absolutely nothing to that.  If they want to bring in a new love interest for Will, great, but they shouldn’t bring back Terri unless it’s inside Sheets and Things.

               

-I was worried for a bit that Sue Sylvester wouldn’t be appearing in this episode at all, but her scenes in the second half of the hour were glorious.  So many amazing lines (the story about the 1968 Democratic National Convention was one of her best ever) that it was hard to keep track.  I was however a little confused about her opposition to Britney Spears when she was such a supporter of Madonna last season.  I guess Madonna songs didn’t cause a “sexual riot” though.

-One nice thing about this episode was it showed that the writers are now willing to put some of their characters (Puck, Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, and Kurt) in the background for an entire episode to focus on a few solid (or at least decently thought out) storylines with other characters.  All too often last season I felt that scenes existed in episodes just so that characters had something to do. 

If Glee is really going to work long-term, they need to allow characters to be focal points while others take a back seat.  Lost did this exceptionally and it was the characters that kept the quality of the show so high even when the mythology was sometimes lacking.  First season episodes of Glee relied too much on the music being the only thing worth watching and that can’t last forever without strong characters.

Sue Sylvester Quote of the Episode:

“I want you to feel the beads of your own sweaty depraved stank dripping down your buttcrack.”

Songs:

-I’m a Slave 4 You: Heather Morris did such a great job with the singing and dancing in this song that for a while I wasn’t sure if it was actually her or if it was the Spears cameo we had heard about.  As a cover (or even imitation) of the original song I think it went very well, but I like Glee more when they put their own twist on the music which this song clearly didn’t.  The song had nothing to do with the plot of the episode, and was seemingly just used because this was a Spears tribute episode.

-Me Against the Music: Again Morris and Naya Rivera (Santana) did a great job looking hot and imitating the lyrics and music video for this song, but it too had no connection to the rest of the episode aside from the fact that it was another Britney Spears song.  The imitations certainly show that these background characters have vocal prowess and dancing ability, but in Glee I like to see something more than a blatant copy. 

- . . . Baby One More Time: While the first two songs were ostensibly trying to showcase the background characters, this song brought Lea Michele back to the forefront and tried to connect to the plot by being the impetus behind her decision to dress like a slut.  It was a decent enough rendition, but like the early songs it did little to change or alter the original song.  As an imitation, Rachel might not have even been the best character to perform it (Quinn would have been).

               

-Stronger: If the producers of the show really needed a male-sung version of a Spears song, I suppose this was probably the best route they could go with it.  The song was nothing special, but it did allow the boys a chance to sing and they did a decent enough job with it.  If anything, the song was most disappointing because it brought the ridiculous wheelchair football player storyline back into the show. 

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-Toxic: Far and away the best song of the hour, this had everything that I want from a Glee performance.  Their rendition of the song was more than just an imitation of Spears and included most of the cast either singing lead or background vocals (and the background vocals were incorporated very well).  The song also moved the plot forward throughout as it was linked to Sue’s fears of a sex riot at the school as well as Will’s attempts to impress Emma by letting loose a bit.  The song’s greatness almost made up for the less than heartfelt imitations early in the episode.

-The Only Exception: I suppose this song is the only exception to the Britney Spears theme this week, and it did a decent job of connecting and closing off the two main storylines from the episode.  Michele did a fine job with it, as usual, and she even brought on the tears at one point.

Best Quotes from another Character:

“I’ve lived my whole life in her shadow and will never be as talented or famous.” Brittany

Final Thought:

Last week I wrote extensively about how Heather Morris (Brittany) is probably the worst actress I have ever seen on television, and while she was featured extensively in this episode, most of her lines (and there were a lot of them) fell completely flat again.  I don’t know if she is the product of poor writing, if she is trying to sound like she is sleepwalking through her scenes, or if it is all just a result of her inexperience as an actress, but she was again terrible with line delivery.

From a story perspective, even though it was supposedly a big episode for her, she didn’t really have any sort of storyline at all.  Other than a laundry list of one-liners, Brittany continued to be one of the most one-dimensional characters on the show when she was supposed to be featured.  I’m not sure if the writers thought they were featuring her with “big storylines”, but they clearly didn’t.

As far as the song and dance numbers went, however, Morris did a fantastic job.  She is clearly a really talented dancer and she did an awesome job with her singing in the early going.  The music video dream sequences (while completely unoriginal) finally got her out of that ridiculous cheerleader uniform and she looked amazing.  I can only hope that they were being serious when she said that next week she’ll be performing a song by Ke$ha because that would be excellent.

My vote is for Take It Off, but until then. . .

Read my review of last week’s “Audition” Here

Glee Review: “Audition”

In which I completely destroy whatever man-cred I get for writing college football power rankings each week.

If the second season premiere of Glee is an indication of things to come, then it looks like the producers have learned from some of their mistakes in season one.  While many first season episodes had no unifying threads and appeared as random collections of songs and scenes, “Audition” actually had the unifying theme of being on the outside looking in. 

Finn becomes an outsider to the football team when he tries to help Artie (already an outsider) join.  Coach Beiste is made (by Sue and Will) to be an outsider at her new school.  Quinn is an outsider looking into the Cheerios, but later becomes an insider again (just as Santana becomes the outsider).  Artie becomes an outsider looking on enviously at Tina and Mike’s relationship.  Rachel makes Sunshine an outsider, but later becomes an outsider herself, as the episode ends with her looking at the rest of New Directions through the door window.

While I think it’s great that they’re making a conscious effort to thematically connect all the disparate storylines that drift in and out of Glee, I think that if the show is to be successful on a long-term basis, they need to do a better job of creating stronger storylines for the characters and actually showing things instead of just telling the audience how it is. 

Chief amongst these storylines is the relationship between Finn and Rachel.  Having been introduced in the very first episode of the series, the relationship between these two characters has almost never been shown to the audience.  They say that they’re dating and they say that they will never leave each other, but I never really get the sense that the two characters even like each other at all.  They’ve never really been shown together, and I’ve never been too sure why they like each other (other than the fact that they are ostensibly the lead student characters of the series).

This problem is pervasive with relationships (both romantic and friendships) across the show, and it needs to be solved moving forward.

Other Quick Thoughts:

-The intro video was very well done, and did an excellent job of answering any questions fans or newcomers might have about all of the relationships in the show (but again it was telling us things and not showing them to us).  My only lingering question is whether or not Puck and Quinn are dating (and did Puck, a 16 year-old, really get a vasectomy, really??)

-I like how they’ve replaced Ken Tanaka with Coach Beiste, and how the new coach will serve as a rival to Sue.  Tanaka would have been difficult to integrate back into the show after Will pretty much ended his wedding, and he was kind of a one beat character anyways.  I also thought Beiste had a surprising amount of depth for her first episode and loved the fact that her Sylvester-esque quips made absolutely no sense.

-It’ll be fun to see if Sylvester and Schuester continue to work together or revert to their rivalry from season one.  I think the dynamic between them is clearly the best written and developed on the show, and I love the job that the writers do of giving this dynamic reasons to change for an episode or two before reverting back to the status quo. 

-Finn hearing Sam sing in the shower was a nice callback to the series premiere when Will heard Finn first singing in the shower.  My guess is that Sam joins the club within 3 episodes, and I pray that they don’t do with him what they did with Finn in season one and have him quitting and re-joining the club every week. 

-Artie trying to join the football team is far and away the most ridiculous thing that happened this week.  Was Beiste right to kick Finn off the team because of it?  Probably.  The idea that somebody in a wheelchair can play football is absurd, just ask Jason Street.

-I’m disappointed that Quinn is back with the Cheerios just because I’d rather see her wear normal clothing each week as opposed to those ridiculous cheerleading outfits.

-Santana is a very attractive girl, but saying she had a boob job is ridiculous.  If the show has a problem with telling and not showing, here is an example of where they told one thing, but showed the opposite. 

-Is Cheyenne Jackson still on 30 Rock?  Will he be doing recurring roles on both shows this year?

Sue Sylvester Quote of the Episode:

 “Female football coach is like a male nurse: sin against nature.”

Songs:

-Empire State of Mind: I’m a pretty big fan of this song (it’s in the top-5 of my iTunes play counts) and think they did a great job of covering it.  My one problem, however, would be that I think they use background music too much.  I’m not saying this should have been only vocals, but it was essentially the same arrangement as the original with the guys rapping for Jay-Z and the girls filling in for Alicia Keyes.  Also, I was confused about where they were when they sang this song.  It looked like the “School” levels from any Tony Hawk Pro Skater game, and nothing like what an actual school (let alone one in Ohio) would look like.

-Telephone: Another great song for the show that did an awesome job of highlighting the beginning of a rivalry between Rachel and Sunshine.  It was really well sung for both characters and actually helped to develop the story and showing the budding rivalry between the two instead of telling about it.  It also moved the story forward by leading to Rachel’s anti-Sunshine actions for the rest of the episode

-Billionaire: A great rendition of the song by the other new character Sam (played by Chord Overstreet . . . seriously).  I loved how the boys all joined him and Artie did what appears to be his new job of being the lead rapper for the show. 

-Listen: Charice does a great job with this song as well, and it definitely shows that she has the vocal prowess to be a rival to Rachel in the coming weeks and months (although she unfortunately won’t be a new member of New Directions). 

-What I Did For Love: This song was probably the worst of the episode.  Although it did come over a great montage that was used to really hammer home the theme (being on the outside looking in), the song really didn’t do much else for me at all.

Best Quotes from another Character:

“I don’t usually put balls in my mouth.” –Sam

Final Thought:

“Stop the violence.” –Brittney (Heather Morris)

One of my biggest problems with Glee is the underwhelming performances given by most of the cast.  While part of this can be attributed to inconsistent writing, most of the Glee cast (aside from Matthew Morrison, Jane Lynch, Lea Michele, Jayma Mays, and Mike O’Malley) would probably not have jobs if they weren’t found by the Glee creators and they probably won’t be seen in films, television, or stage productions after Glee eventually ends. 

However, the most criminally untalented member of the cast is Heather Morris who plays Brittany. 

While Ms. Morris is an exceptional dancer, she has no business with a starring role on a major television show.  Every time she appears on screen I cringe as her line delivery is literally the worst I have ever seen on a television program.  When planning to write about her, I thought of ranking the worst performances in television history, but she is so bad that she makes Ryan Donowho (who played Johnny in season 3 of The OC) look like an Emmy winner. 

Her performances have been so bad that I needed to figure out how she got cast on the show.  According to Wikipedia, Heather Morris appeared as a background dancer for Beyoncé’s Single Ladies and was brought to Glee to teach Chris Colfer how to do the dance for one of the early episodes of last season.  Having personally performed the Single Ladies dance in public, which I learned from a handful of non-dancers and a 60-something aged anthropology professor, I can say that it’s really not that difficult.

Regardless, after teaching the dance, somebody evidently thought that she was a talented enough actress to remain on the show in a recurring (now starring) role.  Even further inexplicable is that the writers of the show believe she has a gift for one liners, and that some critics believe she’s hilarious.  If her line about wanting to touch Coach Beiste’s boobs is the funniest she’s given (which it probably is) then it’s obvious how humorless she is.

It’s offensive to me that such a terrible actress could be featured on the show.  This would be like me writing a joke for The Office and being offered a permanent seat next to Creed.  Further terrifying is that this week’s Brittney Spears themed episode will evidently feature Morris singing several songs and performing with a prominent storyline.  I guess it’s her chance to prove me wrong, but for now it’s my opinion that she’s the worst actress to ever be featured on television.

The 696 Power Rankings: Week #4

After a Saturday afternoon that can only be compared to what I imagine being waterboarded feels like, I was actually able to catch a few other games on Saturday night.  Some were good, and some were not so good, but one month into the college football season, here’s how Hogan and I rank the teams.

1) Alabama (4-0, 40)

For a while there it looked like we might be getting a new number one in the power rankings, but the Tide dominated down the stretch and got out of Arkansas with a big victory to start their killer month of games.  I have trouble thinking that Mark Ingram will win the Heisman two years in a row, but right now he has to be a frontrunner.

T-2) Oregon (4-0, 37)

After handling the first month of their schedule, GameDay is coming to town as the Ducks will face Stanford (#7 in these rankings) in their first big test of the season.  In a game that could be the Pac-10 game-of-the-year, I’m picking the Ducks simply because of the home field advantage.

T-2) Ohio State (4-0, 37)

When you lay down 73 points on a team, others should take notice even if it was Eastern Michigan.  I took notice by not dropping them below Boise State and Nebraska in my rankings.  With the Pac-10 and the SEC so strong this year, OSU could be cut out of the championship picture even if they run the table (unlikely, but possible).  If that happens they’ll have games like Eastern Michigan to thank for it.

T-4.)Nebraska (4-0, 33)

I’m not sure if Nebraska’s national hopes got stronger or weaker when Texas lost to UCLA.  On one hand, it solidifies the Cornhuskers as the class of the Big 12, but on the other hand it greatly diminished the power of the strongest game on the Huskers schedule.  If the Longhorns lose the red River Rivalry this week, Nebraska won’t play a ranked team all season.

T-4) Boise State (3-0, 33)

The Broncos looked pretty good on their blue turf last night, and they’re getting an added boost this year by the WAC being surprisingly (yet still relatively) strong (the sixth strongest conference, ahead of the ACC and Big East).  The problem for them is that they won’t be getting any national exposure for the rest of the season (unless Nevada stays unbeaten).  I’m officially anti-Boise, and think they need to get some tougher games on their schedule before thinking they can compete for a title.

6) TCU (4-0, 29)

While I usually root for the Horned Frogs, I was definitely pulling for SMU on Friday when the two teams met.  June Jones team actually put up quite the fight until the end, and it looks like the Mustangs might finally pull themselves out of their death penalty induced malaise some time soon.  As for TCU, they’ll keep chugging along until they play Utah in November (conveniently, that game is the week before the Ute’s and I visit South Bend).

7) Stanford (4-0, 26)

The Cardinal might be good, but watching them play Notre Dame was like being forced to watch paint dry with a gun to your head.  It was an excruciatingly long and dreadfully painful process that was upsetting throughout.  Like most of the teams that prey on the Irish, Stanford is probably ranked a tad high in these rankings this week, but if they come out of Eugene with a win they’ll be a legitimate top-5 team.

8) Auburn (4-0, 24)

Who would have thought a couple years ago that Gene Chizik would be pulling Auburn back into the top ten?  An impressive win over South Carolina is really all it takes to get the Tigers back in the SEC picture.  They’re certainly in the toughest division in the country and will have a Herculean task of even getting to the SEC Championship game, but this team came through in the clutch and will be making the SEC West that much tougher.

9) Oklahoma (4-0, 22)

While it certainly wasn’t the most impressive win of the weekend, Oklahoma got through the trap game in Cincinnati and will now be taking on Texas in the Red River Rivalry on Saturday.  With the Longhorns coming off their worst loss in years, this will be the biggest game of the year for both teams (and possibly the last ranked team OU will play all season).

T-10) Florida (4-0, 19)

After handling their own trap game with ease, the Gators will have their biggest test of the season on Saturday when they take on the defending national champions (and the only team to beat the Gators in the past two years) in Alabama.  This is going to be the toughest game the Gators play, and they’ll be lucky to bring back a victory against the well-oiled machine in Tuscaloosa.

T-10) Arizona (4-0, 19)

Fresh off their big win against Iowa, the Wildcats barely escaped with a win over Cal and now have a much-needed week off before Oregon State.  In an incredibly strong Pac-10, the Wildcats are going to have a lot of trouble making it to their first Rose Bowl, but they’re off to the right start in Pac-10 play and have the easier part of their schedule coming up.

12) LSU (4-0, 18)

The fourth SEC team in our power rankings is also the third from the super-tough SEC West.  After taking care of their own out-of-conference test against West Virginia, the Tigers return to SEC play this week with a game against down (but not out) Tennessee.  With a strong defense and a satisfactory offense, the Tigers will have their chances in the SEC.

T-13) Utah (4-0, 17)

With BYU and Wyoming looking poor in the early-going, Utah again joins TCU as the standard-bearers in the Mountain West (at least for this year).  They’re off this week before traveling to play dangerous Big 12 power Iowa State, and have a few weaker opponents to play before the meat of their schedule in early November.

T-13) Wisconsin (4-0, 17)

Last week I ranted about Wisconsin, so it makes sense that this week they put up over 70 points.  The problem with that is that when I asked some Wisconsin students last week what state Austin Peay was located in, their answers ranged from “didn’t know” to “wrong”.  I think a rule of thumb is that if you don’t know where a school is located, you shouldn’t play them in football.

15) USC (4-0, 15)

Even though the Trojans cannot go to bowl games because they are a dirty program with dirty players, they’ll still play a huge role in the Pac-10 this year providing obstacles for Oregon, Stanford, Arizona, and even UCLA.  It’s going to be a battle out west and hopefully one of the teams will make it out alive.

16) Arkansas (3-1, 12)

The first one-loss team of these power rankings got here by virtue of its tight game with the #1 Tide.  While Ryan Mallett proved that he is not-yet-ready for primetime, the Razorbacks showed some muscle and proved that they will be a factor in the SEC West this year.  They also proved that ousting Houston Dale Nutt was probably for the best.

17) Michigan (4-0, 8)

Denard Robinson went down, but unfortunately he isn’t out as Michigan cruised to victory against Bowling Green in their last non-conference game of the season.  A trip to Indiana shouldn’t be a difficult start this week, and will be the last game they use to prepare for the more difficult Big Ten teams that will really test that defense.

18) Michigan State (4-0, 5)

In their first game without their heart attack-stricken head coach, the Spartans clobbered the somethings of Northern Colorado.  With Big Ten play beginning, the Badgers are headed up to Lansing and as much as I bash on Wisconsin, I really hope they destroy the Spartans (and get out of East Lansing as fast as humanly possible). 

19) Miami (FL) (2-1, 4)

The second one-loss team to appear in these rankings got here by virtue of crushing Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh.  Not that this is really that impressive since Dave Wannstadt is still the Pitt coach, but in such an embarrassingly bad ACC the Hurricanes have to create impressive victories when they can (if that makes any sense). 

T-20) Penn State (3-1, 2)

Another team with one loss (that came in Tuscaloosa of all places), Penn State is now entering Big Ten play with three home victories against teams they had no good reason to play.  I’m not sure if that prepared them for a trip to Iowa this Saturday or not, but the winner of that game will be ranked this time next week and the loser will not be.

T-20) Texas (3-1, 2)

This is what happens when two people are doing the power rankings.  While I ranked Penn State by virtue of their one loss coming on the road against the best team in the country, Hogan gave more credit to UT’s victory in Lubbock and ignored that their one loss came at home against a run-of-the mill Pac-10 opponent.  I always root for the Longhorns, but this was really a devastating loss for them.  I have no idea if they can put it together for the Red River Rivalry on Saturday, but a loss will make this a lost season in Austin.

What’s with AMC’s Alliteratively Mad and Bad Men?

(Note: The following has mild spoilers for both Mad Men and Breaking Bad.  It is written with the assumption that readers are up-to-date on both shows, but does not delve deep into plot specifics of either show.)

Four years ago, AMC was known for airing B-rate movies that were only mildly intriguing.  Maybe occasionally they’d air a Clint Eastwood film or a Chuck Norris action set, but rarely was there any reason to tune to the channel.  Then, as if out of nowhere, they decided to start airing original programming, and over the course of six months in 2007 and 2008 they unveiled two shows that would soon become the best on television.

From where I sit today, Mad Men and Breaking Bad are the two best shows on television.  In fact, with Mad Men in the midst of its best season yet, and Breaking Bad having just finished one of the best seasons in (dare I say it) television history; the network is flying high and introducing even more new scripted fare such as Rubicon and the forthcoming The Walking Dead.  When it comes to the two shows, however, I believe the stories of Walter White and Donald Draper are much more similar than they might appear.

In Mad Men, the story of Don Draper is one of a man’s existential crisis.  He is a man living two lives (Draper and Whitman) and keeping one of these lives as a complete secret from his wife and family.  While he cares about his kids, he has no idea how to properly express these feelings while he struggles with dark anger issues that come from his troubled past.  Draper is an excellent ad man, but his personal life completely falls apart when his wife finds out about his secrets.

Similarly, Breaking Bad is the story of Walter White and his mid-life crisis.  White is a man living two lives (White and Heisenberg) and keeping his second life a complete secret from his wife and family.  While Walter justifies his behavior as “for his family”, the behavior continues to escalate long after the justification has diminished.  Like Draper, White also displays deep-seated anger issues that ostensibly come from his troubled relationships with his friends and business partners.  White is an excellent meth cook, but his personal life completely falls apart when his wife finds out about his secrets.

Both characters also have love-hate relationships with their protégés: Peggy Olson and Jesse Pinkman.  These protégés begin their series’ knowing just about nothing about Draper and White’s respective art forms, but over the course of months (Breaking Bad) and years (Mad Men), the two not only become excellent at advertising and cooking meth respectively, but they get to the point where they are doing the brunt of the work while their teachers are struggling with personal demons.

Olson and Pinkman are further important to Draper and White because they are pretty much the only characters that actually know personal secrets about the leading men.  Olson has learned (and accepted) more of Don’s secrets than any other person in his life (except, maybe, Anna—who is isolated from New York anyways).  Jesse too knows far more about the lengths to which Walter has fallen into the drug trade.  While Skylar might have slowly learned much of what has happened, she’ll likely never know how bad it is.

The thing that’s strange about these two men is that their secrets are what make them relatable.  To a certain degree, most people have secrets and different sides to themselves that they don’t always show, and most people also have a few close confidants who understand these secrets and their implications.  While White and Draper’s secrets are far more intense than the average person’s, their creators are also using these dual lives to make grand statements about the world that go far beyond the individual characters. 

With Mad Men, Matthew Weiner and his team are using the characters not only to bring out different aspects of Don’s personal crisis, but also to reflect the turbulent 1960s.  The changes in the times are reflected by the changes of the characters.  In Breaking Bad, Vince Gilligan and his team use their characters to create a complex story of morality where the difference between right and wrong is dangerously thin and where circumstances can turn good people into killers in the blink of an eye.

Because of Weiner’s and Gilligan’s expertise, these characters that live and work in worlds so foreign to our own (drug cartels and 1960s ad agencies) have come to embody universal truths on internal and external levels.  They have taken these compelling worlds and filled them not only with compelling people and stories, but also (more importantly) with compelling ideas that will stand the test of time—and that make Breaking 
Bad and Mad Men the best that television has to offer.


Like Mad Men?  Read my Character Power Rankings for the first six episodes of this season HERE

The 696 Power Rankings: Week 3

Another week, another crushing Notre Dame last-second loss, and another batch of power rankings to satisfy all you college football fans out there.  As with last week’s rankings, these are the combined voting efforts of me and Hogan.  Write-ups were written by me.

1.       Alabama (3-0, 40 points)

The Tide just keep on rolling.  After an off week game against Duke, they now enter the meat of their schedule with three consecutive games against teams currently in our top thirteen (two of which are on the road).  If they are 5-1 or better on October 10^th, I’ll keep them at #1 because NO team plays a harder stretch in the next three weeks (if not the rest of the season).

2.       Ohio State (3-0, 37 points)

The Buckeyes keep chugging along by continuing their streak of a million straight wins against teams from that lawless wasteland known as the state of Ohio.  This team has a schedule made up of bad-to-mediocre teams and will probably not play a close game until November (if then).  I can accept that teams are going to play patsies once in a while, but OSU is in the midst of back-to-back games against Ohio and Eastern Michigan.  That looks as bad as Holly Rowe in HD.

3.       Oregon (3-0, 36)

While their schedule has definitely left much to be desired, the Ducks have certainly taken care of business in the early going while becoming the #1 scoring offense AND #1 scoring defense at this early point.  The Pac-10 looks like a middle-of-the-pack conference this year, and the Ducks won’t get many chances to prove themselves against elite teams (actually, they won’t get any chances), so running the table is essential for them.

4.       Nebraska (3-0, 34)

It’s a good thing that the Cornhuskers made some sort of statement in their trip to Washington because their disgustingly weak schedule only features one game with a ranked team ALL SEASON!  If the Huskers lose to Texas in October, their win in Seattle might turn out to be their best win of the season (until, of course, they inevitably play OU/UT in their final Big 12 championship game). 

5.       Boise State (2-0, 31)

Arguably the team with the best win of the season to date, Boise will be fighting for their Power Ranking lives when they take on the Oregon State Beavers this weekend.  A win, and I’ll be stuck having to find things to say about them for the next 12 weeks.  With a loss, however, you can take it to the bank that I won’t vote for them again until Thanksgiving. 

6.       Texas (3-0, 30)

Let’s pause for a moment to reflect on how ridiculous it is that Texas got a first place vote in the AP poll this week.

Now as I said last week, the Longhorns are in the midst of their toughest four game stretch of the season (actually, if you look at it, their only four game stretch).  They took care of business against Tech, and now they have to be careful not to look past a little school called the University of California, Los Angeles (which is in California) to their Oklahoma and Nebraska games that start October. 

7.       TCU (3-0, 29)

Another team with a top ten scoring offense AND defense clobbered another team (Baylor) from a conference that is supposedly better.  An easy slate of games over the next few weeks isn’t going to help their standing in the power rankings, but I personally think they’ll end the season higher than their unofficial Blue turfed rivals.

8.       Oklahoma (3-0, 25)

I feel like I rant about schedules too often, but the Sooners actually have one of the best non-conference slates I’ve seen from a Big 12 team in recent memory.  They’ve already beaten Florida State and Air Force (a very respectable opponent) and have a game at Cincinnati this week.  It’s a shame the Big 12 is so awful this year (and the Sooners don’t play Nebraska) and their season will pretty much come down (once again) to the Red River Rivalry.

9.       Arkansas (3-0, 24)

Bobby Petrino and Ryan Mallett left Georgia with a win on Saturday, and that’s really all that matters with #1 Alabama on the docket this Saturday.  With all the Heisman talk I keep hearing, Mallett must be very pleased he got out of Michigan (although, just getting out of that state is enough for happiness).

10.    Arizona (3-0, 21)

Another candidate for best win of the early season is the Wildcats late night victory over Iowa.  Entering the Pac-10 part of their schedule, Arizona is clearly the Pac-10 team with the best win, and might be the only team that has a chance to take on Oregon for conference supremacy. 

T-11. Utah (3-0, 20)

I’m always high on this team, and think their season-opening win against Pitt is still one of the better victories in this early season.

T-11. Florida (3-0, 20)

This team still does not look as powerful as the Gators teams we’ve grown accustomed to seeing.  They haven’t been putting away these early season teams we would expect them to slaughter, and I wonder if they’ll be able to get through the SEC East or if Steve Spurrier has his Gamecocks in position to pounce.

13.    South Carolina (3-0, 18)

Speaking of the Gamecocks, they’re this high today based on one victory over a possibly down Georgia squad, but they’ve got a trip to Auburn this week to show the country what they’ve got and prove that they belong in the discussion with the elite SEC teams.

14.    Stanford (3-0, 13)

The team that comes to Notre Dame Stadium this weekend gets there off of solid wins against Wake Forest and UCLA.  I doubt the Cardinal are looking ahead to next week’s game at Oregon, but I couldn’t blame them if they are.  I never thought I’d see the day that Stanford was ranked this highly, this early; and I fully expect the Irish to have a defensive collapse in the middle of the fourth quarter and lose the game in the final minutes.  We will then all write about how much Harbaugh sucks.

15.    Auburn (3-0, 12)

The Tigers beat the Tigers (of Clemson) in OT last week and are now one of the many SEC teams that will be jockeying for position in the coming weeks as they take on South Carolina.  I’d expect Auburn to win the home game, but there’s no way of telling what is going to happen in the SEC.

T-16. LSU (3-0, 11)

I am completely shocked that LSU is playing a non-conference game against a team that is ranked (West Virginia), but I guess it’s part of this great new development where SEC teams try to schedule one decent non-conference game a year.  I expect the Tigers to win this one simply because they’re playing it at home.

T-16. Wisconsin (3-0, 11)

I was in Madison last weekend and stood in the student section for their game against ASU, and came away pretty unimpressed.  On the field, the Badgers barely managed to beat a mediocre Pac-10 team and looked pretty inept throughout many stretches of the game.  Their special teams (return coverage especially) looked absolutely abysmal, and their offense only seemed to move the ball when it was absolutely necessary.  Is this a decent team? Yes.  Is it a top ten team? No.  Looking at their schedule, I predict a 9-3 finish at best (which is great for them, but by no means are they an elite national team).

The other thing that I found shocking about Wisconsin was the fan involvement.  The last Badger game I went to was a 2007 blowout against Indiana (over Halloween of all weekends), and it made sense that the fans were lackluster.  I was expecting more for this “big” non-conference game, and was disappointed.  For a school that seemingly sees itself in the college football elite, they are doing nothing to foster an atmosphere to match the elite teams of the Big Ten (hell, Michigan State fans create a more hostile environment, and you know how much I hate East Lansing).

Now I don’t expect every fan (or even the average fan) to be paying attention to every single play, but there are like organized traditions at this school that only serve as complete distractions to the action on the field.  In the first quarter (when the Badgers were losing, and roughly half the student section was still empty), the stadium spent a solid ten minutes doing The Wave.  Why?  The Wave is something that should be reserved for the end of a blowout, sort of as a way to tell the opponents “this game has gotten so boring that we’re resorting to The Wave to entertain ourselves”.  At Wisconsin, The Wave is apparently something they do in the first quarter of EVERY GAME!!  Their offense is on the field in the red zone, and the fans were far more concerned with making their Wave go more slowly.  Seriously??

This Wave is apparently a tradition, and it probably started in the pre-Barry Alvarez days when the Badgers were absolutely atrocious.  What makes no sense, however, is that once Alvarez got the team doing great (I was shocked to find out that Barry Alvarez is the only Big Ten coach to EVER win consecutive Rose Bowls) he couldn’t get the fans to actually be interested in the game.  He couldn’t get the fans to create an elite atmosphere.

It wasn’t just The Wave, however, but other things throughout the game.  In the fourth quarter, most of the students seemed to be more concerned with watching their mascot and the ASU mascot play games with each other.  They were in a slugfest on the field and most of the students weren’t paying any attention.  How can we expect Wisconsin to be a top ten team when their home field fans are seemingly ambivalent to the game?  Penn State and Ohio State players must see this as a joke.  If all other things are equal, how could an elite recruit possibly choose Wisconsin over Nebraska or Iowa or Michigan?  How can I take this team seriously as an elite program if their students and fans don’t even seem to take them seriously?

Go ahead Tim and Ben, I’m waiting for a rebuttal (and I’ll even consider posting it).

18. USC (3-0, 9)

HAHAHAHAHAHA, THEY CAN’T GO TO BOWLS!!!

19. West Virginia (3-0, 5)

The Mountaineers are probably going to lose in Baton Rouge this week.  They play no other ranked teams all season.  It’ll take them a long time to make it back into these power rankings.

20. Michigan (3-0, 2)

To be honest, I did not rank Michigan this week.  Barely beating UMASS is not my idea of an elite team, but apparently Hogan feels differently.  The Wolverines play Bowling Green this week (I just vomited in my mouth) and then Indiana, so they will probably be 5-0 before they start their patented midseason RichRod collapse against their actual conference opponents.

The 696 College Football Power Rankings: Week 2

Hey there sports fans, welcome back to the regular blog feature most despised by five out of the seven people that regularly follow this blog.  I apologize in advance, but I love college football and love making these rankings.  This year the Power Rankings will be called the 696 rankings in honor of Hogan and my apartment in the welfare housing that is attached to the back of the Topeka Ramada. 

Also this year, Hogan and I will be co-ranking the teams by way of a vote, and the following is our combined Power Ranking.  The point totals below are assigned with 20 points for first place votes, 19 points for second place votes, and so on.

1)       Alabama (2-0, 40 points)

The reigning national champions haven’t lost a game and looked pretty impressive against Penn State this weekend.  We might hate Nick Saban, and are morally opposed to grey-shirting, but right now this is far and away the number one team in the country and will remain in this position until they lose a game.

2)       THE Ohio State University (2-0, 38 points)

After taking care of business against The U., the Buckeyes have a typically soft schedule for the next month as they play the Cory Montieth-like powerhouses of Ohio and Eastern Michigan.  In fact, Jim Tressel’s boys only play one more real game (October 16^th at Wisconsin) before November.  I feel pretty confident that they’ll drop in these rankings by then, simply because Hogan and I are morally opposed to the state of Ohio.

3)       Oregon (2-0, 34 points)

To be honest, it wasn’t really the big win at Rocky Top that I found impressive, but rather the 72 point win over Hank Baskett’s alma mater, the New Mexico Lobos.  Whichever win you like to point to, the Ducks have been impressive in the early going, and have to be the current favorites in the Pac-10.

T-4) Boise State (1-0, 30)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Virginia Tech lost to JMU, so much for strength of schedule. 

T-4) TCU (2-0, 30)

Will their victory over Oregon State end up being more impressive than Boise’s victory over VaTech?  Regardless, the Horned Frogs actually play real teams over the rest of the season while the Broncos play. . . ummm. . . oh, actually they play Oregon State in two weeks.

T-4) Oklahoma (2-0, 30)

Maybe I’m putting too much faith in Jimbo Fisher, but a 30 point Sooners victory over FSU has to stand for something, right?  I guess they played a close game against Utah State, but a win is a win.

7) Texas (2-0, 29)

The Longhorns have done nothing but take care of business in the early going, but haven’t been too impressive yet.  However, if they make it through the next month undefeated (@Texas Tech, UCLA, Oklahoma, @Nebraska), they’ll have a strong argument and a probable pole-position for the Championship race.

8) Nebraska (2-0, 26)

The entire Big-12 conference has evidently made it into the top 8 of our power rankings with Nebraska joining the other two members.  This team could sleepwalk through the Big 12 North and still make it to the Big 12 championship game.  I’m excited for their Big Ten debut next year and would love to see them own the rest of this conference in their lame duck year.

9) Utah (2-0, 23)

A strong showing against Wanny and the Panthers in Week 1 catapulted the Utes into our top ten in the early going, but a slew of less-than-difficult opponents over the next month and a half will make it difficult for them to retain my respect into November (that is, until they have their way with our Irish when Hogan and I return to ND on our way out East).

10) Iowa (2-0, 22)

Maybe my perspective is warped by having slept three nights in Iowa City over the past six weeks, but this Hawkeyes team seems different.  In years past, Iowa probably would have lost to either Eastern Illinois or Iowa State (before beating Penn State), but they’ve taken care of business thus far.  Let’s see if they can keep it up over the next month of games that feature 4/5 against currently ranked opponents.

11) South Carolina (2-0, 21)

Is South Carolina really on the verge of our top 10?  With a quality win against Georgia, both Hogan and I placed the Gamecocks in our top 12 and are looking forward to seeing how far the Ole Ball Coach can take this team through the SEC gauntlet.

12) LSU (2-0, 18)

Sure they had a close call against a depleted Tar Heel squad, but they’re 2-0 and haven’t yet played the complete patsies (i.e. McNeese State) that will make me mad as hell later in the season.  As with most of the teams in these power rankings, we’ll need a few more weeks to actually figure out what the Tigers have, but for now they’ve taken care of business.

13) Florida (2-0, 16)

I think we’ll overlook all those snapping problems from Week 1 and give the Gators the benefit of the doubt that they have earned over Urban Meyer’s tenure (I mean, Gators should be able to snap, right).  I fully expect this team to navigate the SEC East and end the season in the top ten (at least), but for now they are just a bit outside.

14) Arkansas (2-0, 12)

They’ve beat their patsies and nothing more.  We’ll know soon enough if they’re for real, but for now they’re unproven.

15) Stanford (2-0, 9)

I think somebody needs to tell Hogan and I that ranking Stanford highly in these rankings does not mean that an ND victory over them is a quality victory. 

16) Auburn (2-0, 8)

I was surprised when I saw that they beat Arkansas State in Week 1 because I didn’t know that a college by the name of Arkansas State even existed.  Is that the school that people go to if they don’t get into Arkansas or is it like a junior college or something.  The real question is if Arkansas State is a higher quality opponent than Chattanooga, who the Tigers play later this season.

17) Michigan (2-0, 7)

Hogan ranked them higher than I did (despite the fact that I believe UConn to be a much better team than Hogan does), because I am still not convinced that Denard Robinson is the real deal.  Didn’t the Notre Dame defense make Tate Forcier look like a Heisman contender a year ago in a game that felt almost exactly the same as the one last Saturday?  I feel like we’ve seen this before.  As much as I would like to see Michigan back (simply to back up any future strength of ND schedule debates I find myself in), I’ll believe it when I see it.

[What happened to my ND optimism?  When did I become such an angry alum?]

18) Wisconsin (2-0, 7)

I’ll be up in Madison this weekend to see Wisconsin-Arizona State, and if the badgers win I’ll certainly be pushing them up in my rankings, but I think I’ll always hold something against them when they schedule teams like UNLV, Austin Peay, and San Jose State.  I’m just saying (to Tim and Ben) what state is Austin Peay located in??

19) USC (2-0, 7)

HAHAHAHAHA, THEY CAN’T GO TO BOWL GAMES!!!

20) Miami (FL) (1-1, 6)

The only team in our rankings this week that has a loss is there entirely because of my ranking.  This is ironic because I am pretty negative towards Ohio State, but somehow thought the Hurricanes loss to the Buckeyes was close enough to keep the Hurricanes in the top 15.  This is pretty inconsistent thinking, but it’s my first ranking of the year and I’ll have a better base when I do this next week.  Until then. . .